My whole life is a testimony of God’s Grace! It is extremely difficult to summarize just how much God has done for me, but He kept urging me to share how I came to accept the Lord into my life, how I got involved in an abusive marriage and how He provided protection, provision and prosperity through it all.
To give a little background, I was born and raised in Puerto Rico within the Catholic faith. My Father was very successful in his career, but he had a very bad drinking problem. My Mom worked very long hours trying to make ends meet due to my father’s heavy drinking. Therefore, for the most part, our grandparents raised my four younger siblings and myself.
Even though I did not have the understanding I have today, I always knew that God was real and that He created everything, the sun, the moon, the stars and the universe. As a little girl, my grandfather (Abuelo Andres) painted vivid visions of God in my mind with his big imagination. There was no doubt I knew God was real! My grandfather would use any opportunity he had to portray how big our God was. If it rained, he would tell us that God was washing his house or watering his garden. If it thundered, he would tell us that God dropped something in heaven and he would tell us a different example every time… From pots and pans to garbage pails and a tray of dishes. At one time in particular he said God and His angels were playing Tag! If it was lightening, Abuelo would tell us that Lightening was the flash on God’s camera! So, he would have us sit still looking all pretty, smile, say “cheese” while looking up at the sky because God was taking pictures of us. (Laughing!) Abuelo Andres always portrayed a Good, Loving, and Friendly God. He always made sure I understood that God answers prayers and is always listening to every word we speak… and God always made sure to back up everything my grandfather said! Yes! God always answered my prayers from a very young age, including the very important prayer at age 12 for my father to stop drinking.
Abuelo always balanced and helped me understand what I was being taught in Catholic school until he passed away when I was 12.
As I grew older and continued to attend Catholic school, I was introduced to the “fear” of God. Those were the years when the rules were applied and many questions went unanswered. My grandfather was no longer around and we really did not speak in depth about God at home except for the usual “If you don’t do as I say, God will punish you!”
When I was 15, my Parents moved us to the United States and I experienced public school for the first time. That is where I met my good friend, Wayne Puckett and my best friend Gloria Jimenez, the person that would plant a seed in my spirit that would not sprout and blossom for about 12 years.
Gloria was raised Pentecostal and she would talk about God and His word daily. She taught me that all the answers to my questions could be found in the bible and that I was able to read it for myself. In all of the years I attended Catholic school I never held a bible in my hands. In fact, I never saw a bible in our home. Gloria instilled in me a curiosity to know God more. I wanted to learn more of Him. I wanted to feel the excitement she expressed every time she spoke of God and Jesus.
When I was 16, we relocated to Connecticut and I lost contact with Gloria and Wayne. Every time I went to Church with my mom, I left the same way I went in, empty. I felt that Sunday service was a boring repetitious ritual that I had been experiencing all my life. I missed Gloria but more so, I missed her sharing what she knew about God with me. I was 17 years old when I decided against my mother’s wishes to attend mass one Sunday morning. My mother would order me to get up, get dressed and go to church and I would not comply. I would never say anything… I would just not listen nor comply with her demands. In my own way of understanding, I did not need “church”, I needed more of what Gloria had and I did not know where to find it. I did not recognize it then, but I guess you can say I was rebelling. The steps and choices that I made in the years to follow changed the course of my life in ways I never expected. All of my dreams and expectations for my future dissolved as a result of my own self-righteous ways.
At the age of 18, I decided that I would take a short cut towards my independence, discard my plans to attend College for commercial art, quit high school and enroll in beauty school.
I can sit here and go in detail about all of the choices I made after that, but for the purpose of this testimony, I am going to summarize it as best as I can.
Soon after the break-up of a three yearlong relationship with my high school sweetheart, I began another relationship that only brought much more disappointment, grief and pain. By the time I was 20, I was a single mom of a beautiful baby girl, Mayra. I searched endlessly for the perfect kind of love and companionship finding only dismay, time after time again, relationship after relationship I never found what my heart desired in a man. I always gave my all but never got anything in return. I felt used… I became angry and resentful towards men. I just desired someone that would love, respect and appreciate me for who I was. At the age of 23, I had already made up my mind that if anyone were to use somebody, it would be me and under my own terms. I was going to make sure that I was not going to settle for less than my own expectations. Consequently, if a man did not meet those expectations, I did not hesitate to say “See Ya! Your loss, not mine”. Yes, I became arrogant even though deep inside I was hurt that no one would see me as marriage material. I found myself running for no apparent reason looking for life itself.
When I was 24, I found myself back in Puerto Rico pregnant with my second child. I felt so lonely and so depressed. I had lost my family’s trust and respect. I was the blasphemy to my catholic upbringing. Not only had I gotten pregnant out of wedlock once, but twice! Due to the choices that I made, I was considered the black sheep of the family… I was never to succeed, less amount to anything worth living for. I was tired of running… I wanted to live a fulfilling life but I did not know how or where to begin. I was alone… I felt alienated in so many ways.
Until one day, God brought a childhood friend back into my life.
I woke up one morning trying to find answers and I found myself at the steps of the Cathedral for the first time in 10 years. It had not changed much since we left Puerto Rico in 1980. I walked in doing the same routine just like I was taught. I blessed myself with the sign of the cross and holy water upon the entrance… I placed some coins in the offering box… I lit some candles… I stopped at all of the statues of saints wondering how they could help me. Then I found myself in front of a painting of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Even though I felt unworthy, I knelt, tried to collect my thoughts and began to say, “God, it’s been a long time, I don’t know what to do or what to say… Please help me.” Not knowing what else to do, I prayed “Our Father” and left not knowing if my plea had been heard.
On our way back home as I walking up the street, I heard someone call my name. To my surprise my childhood friend, Nancy only lived a couple of houses down from me. Nancy was also raised in the catholic faith but she was now a reborn Christian. She spoke about the word of God daily! She gave me a bible and encouraged me to read Psalm 91 every day. She also supplicated with me to go to church with her every week for several months. I finally gave in with the condition that if I did not like it she would not bring it up again.
I never forget that day… I walked into this small country church where worship music filled the air. The atmosphere was embracing every cell of my body in a way I never felt before. Almost immediately, I could not hold back the tears from falling down my face. I could not understand what was happening to me. I had no control. Before I could even analyze what was happening… I felt all the heaviness was being lifted from deep in my soul releasing an inexplicable amount tears as if cleansing me from the inside out.
I repented from all of my sins and my way of life and accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior that day. My life and my relationship with God was never the same after that. For the first time in my life, I felt accepted and truly loved. My human mind could not comprehend the magnitude of God’s love for me. All of the sudden, I had an urge to change my life and follow Him. I thought of Gloria, and wondered if this was the same kind of fire that made her breathe daily? I wanted more… I was loved! Psalm 91 became my anthem for that period of my life.
Although I was now saved through Christ and my decision to live within His will took precedence in my life, it did not stop chaos, trials and tribulations from coming into my life…
I had given birth to my second child Laura, soon after I received the Lord into my heart. When she was almost 2 years old, I decided to return to Connecticut to be close to my family and siblings.
When I returned back to the states, I tried very hard to stay on track. Although I did not have a home church, I always tried to live life accordingly. I was not a perfect Christian by far, but I was dedicated to be better.
It was about a year after I had returned to Connecticut that my cousin introduced me to this guy via phone. She explained that he was in prison for something he did not do. I remember as clear as day telling my cousin, “No… he is not my type.” She encouraged a friendship with the justification that he had no family and needed someone to talk to. Although I was never attracted to him and I felt no connection, especially the one factor that he was incarcerated. I decided that I would at least be his friend and correspond via mail and phone calls.
Well… He was a charmer. I didn’t see it then, but I see it now. He asked questions and later used my answers to portray we had similarities and common interests. He had all of the right answers.
He did not smoke.
He did not drink.
He did not do drugs.
He believed in being faithful and truthful.
He wanted a family and loved my kids
He was raised in the Christian faith and was trying to get closer to God.
He also made sure I knew he was a victim of the system and innocent of the crime, he did not have anyone in his life, that he never knew his father, his mom had not been in his life since he was 17 and that all he ever wanted was a family.
Even though he said everything I wanted to hear, I never felt 100% connected to him, but I still accepted his proposal for marriage 10 months later in 1992. I though “Finally someone wants to marry me… Maybe this is a good sign!” and if anything, in return, I could make a difference in his life, help him find closure with his family and at the same time, bring him closer to God…
Well, little did I know then, that it would be him who would lead me straight into God’s hands.
From the time I said, “I do” everything changed. We moved to Upstate New York to start a new life, shortly after I found myself pregnant with my third child. After our son was born things started to change. Although he was incarcerated, I found myself imprisoned in a revolving door of lies, control, threats, verbal and mental abuse, jealousy, and deceit… For four years I tried to make it work, only to find an array of hidden secrets about his past, illegal activities and an escalating violent relationship.
I did not know who to talk to. I felt I could not speak to my family because I feared that they would see my situation as yet another failure in my life. By this time, I was basically raising three children on my own. I did not want my children to live in an environment that was not safe. I did not want my son to grow up and treat women the way his father treated me and I did not want my daughters to grown up and be in relationships like the one I was in. I was always walking on eggshells, not knowing what to expect next… I invested all of my time and efforts trying keep the kids unaware of what was happening but it was becoming very difficult… almost impossible. If I resisted his wiles, he would send one of his “contacts” to our home to deliver “sweet” spoken or written threats on his behalf.
Even though he was not home, my husband’s presence in our lives became a threat to our safety due to his ongoing lifestyle.
One Saturday afternoon, after refusing to visit him in prison due to the bad winter weather, a written threat was delivered to our door by one of his undesirable messengers. After I watched the individual leave the property… At a moment of desperation, not knowing what else to do, I left the kids watching TV in the living room and I walked down the long hallway that led to my bedroom. I felt the emotions creeping up my spine. It was like a roller coaster that I could not ride because it made me ill and weak. My mind and body were tired and soul was aching… Once in my bedroom, I quietly closed the door behind me, and I collapsed into the floor. I hit rock bottom… It was just me, the cold hardwood floor and God! I was sobbing with rage, anger and a deep feeling of desperation.
“GOD! GOD!” I screamed in my mind! “HELP ME! Dear Lord!!! Help me! I do not understand… I do not understand WHY? Where does it end?”
I did not even know where it started. But it did not matter any longer… I needed to concentrate on how to get out of that situation. I felt trapped in a never ending nightmare. I knew deep in my heart that only God could help me. I needed to trust in Him but I did not know where to begin!
I cried and sobbed for what seemed to be hours. I begged God to guide me and show me the way. My faith was still in me somewhere, although it had been tested endlessly, but my mental strength was weak and falling apart bit by bit. This man that called himself my husband was a smart controlling man that knew what buttons to push to make me feel insecure and helpless.
“God! Please God!! Help me” I kept calling out with a low voice but my soul was screaming out to Him! “When and where did I fail? Is this the way I have to spend my life due to the mistakes I made in the past?”
It did not make any sense. I turned my life to God in 1989. How can I be living such a painful life? How can God allow this to happen? If this is what love had in stored for me then I did not want nothing to do with it!
“God, you talked about loving one another… Surely you could not be condoning what is happening! There is no way! I refuse to believe that you are okay with what is happening in my life! Please tell me… Please show me that you are near… PLEASE! I am so lost and lonely. I can’t do this any more… Please Help Me! Please… God Please…”
I begged and cried alone in that cold and dark bedroom floor with no comfort. I felt empty and in despair with nowhere to turn, with no more words to say or questions to ask.
Suddenly, I felt a sense of warmth covering my body like a warm heavy cozy blanket had been laid upon me. I felt comforted and protected… As if someone had cloaked me and cradled me. I could still hear my voice sobbing in the background “Please… Please God… Please.” My heart was no longer heavy and my mind was no longer racing with unanswered questions. It felt like I was in another world.
As soon as I realized what I was experiencing, I startled myself and abruptly opened my eyes. Confused yet knowing what had just happened, I started to cry again. It was clear that God was there with me! Laughing and crying at the same time, I looked up and I whispered “Thank You! God you are here! I have been wondering where you were! Thank You! Oh my God Thank You!” Then I could hear the words “Psalm 91” deep within me. I got up and searched my bible and read it the way Nancy taught me:
Psalm 91 I, who dwell in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save me from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover me with his feathers, and under his wings I will find refuge; his faithfulness will be my shield and rampart. I will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at my side, ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me. I will only observe with my eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If I say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and I make the Most High my dwelling, no harm will overtake me, no disaster will come near my tent. For He will command His angels concerning me to guard me in all my ways; they will lift me up in their hands, so that I will not strike my foot against a stone. 13 I will tread on the lion and the cobra; I will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because she loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue her; I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name. She will call on me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver her and honor her. With long life I will satisfy her and show her my salvation.”After that night amazing things started happening in my life. God let me know He was with me and all I needed to do was believe in Him. Trust in Him. Even though my husband was released months after that night, He was soon arrested and back in prison for new criminal charges.
Even though he was incarcerated, he was still trying to control my life, but little did he know that God was now in charge!
God freed us from our situation bit-by-bit, step-by-step. Every step I took, was guided by God!
“Every step I took, was guided by God!”
Every prayer was answered.
Every need was met.
Doors began to open; opportunity after opportunity came pouring in.
God was actively and consistently guiding me. He would show me where to go and who to talk to. It did not matter what my human circumstances were… He made everything turn around effortlessly.
Although I had no education and no work experience, God gave me the courage to apply for a fulltime job in Social Services as a Domestic Violence Advocate. I was a nervous wreck… I thought, “This is crazy!” And I could hear God saying, “GO!”
The Executive Director of the agency, Gloria Griffin said at the end of the interview, “I don’t know why, but I feel I need to give you a chance even though your do not have the education and do not meet the requirements… Would you be interested in another position?” When I walked outside I broke down and cried with a grateful heart all the way home! I could not speak. God had opened a door for me!
I started working that week as an Emergency Assistance Advocate. Five months later; Gloria called me into her office to offer me the opportunity to go to the State University of New York (SUNY) to become a Family Development Worker with a promotion to be a family worker in Headstart.
The new position was not in walking distance and it was obvious I needed a car. But I did not question it… I just said, “Lord, you know I’m going to need a car.” Later that week my neighbor was relocating out of state and could not take her van. Without knowing my circumstances she came to my door and said, “Margie, do you want to keep the van? It’s too old to make such a long trip. It’s paid off and the insurance is paid for 6 months. You don’t need to pay me anything.” As easy as that, God blessed with a vehicle!
God kept touching people to help me and He kept opening doors. Once I completed the educational program I was offered the opportunity to become a field advisor to the students that were undergoing the same program.
Every time I said, “Lord God, now you know I need you down here!” He would faithfully show up and show off.
Even though it was not easy at times, He always strengthened my faith and proved to be the same loving God that I knew when I was a little girl.
The couple of years that were to follow were not easy… BUT I knew that I was not alone. God protected my children and me every step of the way.
In 1998 with the help of God, while my husband was incarcerated, I was able to obtain sole custody of my children and a divorce without the help of an attorney.
In 1999, he was released under parole and began to harass me and threaten to take the kids where I would never see them again. He would show up at my job, follow me around town, and then call me at night to tell me all the places I had been that day. He would leave me messages saying “Just wanted to tell you that I had a dream last night that I shot and killed you… I love you… you know that I can’t live without you. Give me another chance.” A permanent order of protection was issued. Unfortunately, he had no respect for the order of protection or the authorities. When the authorities tried to enforce the injunction, they did not really know where to find him.
I kept asking God to please keep us safe and I trusted God for deliverance. Soon after, he was arrested for possession of drugs and stolen property. He was sentenced to prison four hours away from our home. Peace reigned in our home once again until one early morning about 2 months after his arrest…
The kids were getting ready for school and I was getting ready for work. Just as we were about to go out the door, the doorbell suddenly rang, followed by a slight knock. I heard my daughter Mayra say, “I get it!” and suddenly I heard the kids saying “Dad! Dad!”. My heart stopped and I held my breath as I walked towards the living room to find my ex-husband inside our home. My heart screamed “My God! In the Jesus name!” but I was as calmed and collected like I have never been in my life before.
The kids were excited to see him, but I knew better. He had been sentenced to 2-3 years, what was he doing there? I quickly urged the kids to run to their bus stop by saying “Hurry, hurry, you are going to miss the school bus!” As soon as they gave their hugs and kisses goodbye, I watched them as they left our apartment complex walking with the rest of the neighborhood kids to their bus stop. I remember breathing with relief as I watched the bus come as soon as they got to the stop. I then turned around and asked, “What are you doing here?”
He answered, “I wanted to see the kids and see you…”
I quickly responded, “You are not suppose to be here, number one you are suppose to be in prison…”
He cut me off and said, “I was released.”
I asked him “Where are your release papers?” …
“I don’t have them…”
Then I said, “You are not suppose to be here you have an injunction that says that you are to stay away from us…”
And he added, “Well I needed to see you and the kids…”
At that time not knowing what else to do, I turned to pick up my keys and my purse from the table and when I turned around I found him standing very close to me waving a gun in front of my face.
He started to speak in a very calm yet intimidating way, “You know that I have told you many times, if I can’t have you, no one will… ” As he was speaking, all I can hear was my soul yelling “Lord Help Me” and immediately out of no where, with the strength and speed I never knew I had, I reached out and grabbed the gun out of his hand while I yelled at him,
“ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? You say that you love me, that you want to be with me and this is what you do? How dare you disrespect me and our children by bringing a gun into my house!?”
He was caught off guard and he did not know what to do… it was as if he froze. He did tried to carefully take the gun away but quickly realized that I was the one now holding the gun. He stepped back and gently asked, “Can you please give me the gun back?” And I said “Hell No! You really got some nerve! You know what? I am going to work! See yourself out and I better not find you here when I come back!”
I immediately rushed out the apartment with the gun in my hand; I got in my car and called his probation officer to inform him what had happened. I was instructed to go to work and wait for the authorities to contact me. About an hour later I was informed that he escaped from the facility the night before and that he had a warrant for his arrest. He was arrested shortly after I left and placed in a maximum-security facility.
Still overwhelmed with what had happened, I broke down. I said, “Thank You God! Lord Thank You!… But I am so tired… We can no longer stay here.” Once again my God proved to be faithful. Within 24 hours, I found a new job with better pay, a brand new apartment 4 hours away from where we lived. We were packed and moved out of the area in a matter of two days!
Today I look into my life and I can’t count the number of times that God has blessed us. What you have read so far, is merely one chapter of a large hardcover book! My Gode continues to be our protector, our provider, our healer, our vindicator, and our strong tower. The only God I can count on… Through good and bad… through thick and thin. My Lord God has never left me or forsaken me. And to prove that unconditional Love does exists…
In 2000, God blessed me once again. I married my good friend from high school, Wayne Puckett. God reunited us after 19 years! Wayne has been a very loving and caring husband and wonderful father to my children. He has been everything I ever desired in a man.
God has been faithful in every way. I give him all the praise and the glory daily for everything He has done and for what He continues to do in my life. He has prospered me and my family in all areas of our lives in ways you can’t even imagine. My life is a living testimony of His grace and power.
If you are reading this testimony and you do not know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, I pray that it has helped you to understand the magnitude of His power and glory. I urge you to seek Him and open your heart, mind and soul to receive Him. He will brake all the chains and you will be free! Trust me when I tell you that your life would be transformed and it will never be the same. If He did it for me, He can also do it for you.
If you are reading this and you find yourself in an abusive relationship… Know that God is with you, all you have to do is surrender yourself and your situation to Him; and believe that He is able to set you free! HE will prosper you! I had nothing! NOTHING! Yet he took my life and transformed it.
As I continue to seek more of Him, He has continued to keep me under His wing through the years. I definitely would not be here if it wasn’t for His presence in my life. He has done so much! This testimony is only a small fraction! I praise and worship Him daily for His faithfulness!
You have nothing to loose but only so much to gain! So much…
“If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Psalm 91: 9-12
May you always be Under His Wing,
Margie Puckett
Florida USA
-But me he caught—reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved—surprised to be loved! (Psalm 18:16-19 MSG) 🙂
I give Him all the Glory!
In His Grace 